Me quedo sentada frente al inigualable café de Zak. En el techo, los ventiladores giran como veletas enloquecidas. Fuertes vientos, lluvia fría o amenaza de lluvia: un desfile de cielos calamitosos en ciernes que impregna sutilmente todo mi ser. Sin darme cuenta, caigo en una ligera aunque persistente desazón. No es depresión, sino más bien fascinación por la melancolía, a la que doy vueltas en la mano como si fuera un pequeño planeta, veteado de sombras, de un azul imposible.
The words “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,” which I saw on an Italian movie poster, are perhaps the briefest statement imaginable of the basic appeal of movies. This appeal is what attract us, and ultimately what makes us despair when we begin to understand how seldom movies are more than this.
“Creativity” is a quick route to power and celebrity. The pop singer or composer, the mod designer, says of his work, “It´s a creative way to make a living” – meaning it didn´t take a dull lot of study and planning that he was able to use his own inventiveness or ingenuity or talent to get to the top without much sweat.
But not all the new generation is buying. Many of them don´t just “´tune out` automatically at the first sign of advertising puffery” because they know there´s no place to tune in again. They´re surrounded by seeling, and they tune out, period. They want some meaning, some honesty, some deeper experience, and they try to find them in romantic ideas of rejection and revolution based on their moral revulsion from the situation in the South, or in folk music, in underground movies, in narcotics.
It is much easier to follow the details of a topic when one knows the least bit about it. When that least-bit develops into a great pond of knowledge, one may rightly call oneself an “expert” -and have the brain to prove it. Expertise changes what you see and hear, and it even changes what you can attend to. Neuro-imagery shows us how expert and naive brains look when attending: fundamentally different. Watch the brains of dancers while they watch a dance performance, and you will see considerably more activity than you would find in the brains of nondancers. Expertise leads to the ability to acquire more expertise.
Si alguna vez has creído que una persona con depresión quiere ser feliz, te equivocas. No podría importarle menos el lujo de la felicidad. Sólo quiere dejar de sentir dolor. Escapar de una mente en llamas, donde los pensamientos arden y humean como viejas posesiones destruidas en un incendio. Ser normal. O, como lo normal es imposible, estar vacío.
El llanto juvenil es una cosa y el llanto adulto otra muy distinta. Las lágrimas de la juventud son limpiadoras, como las siestas o las duchas tonificantes. Una buena llorera hace que el joven que sufre sienta que se ha conseguido algo. Lás lágrimas de la edad adulta dejan a la víctima seca y agotada. Dejan los ojos escocidos. Dejan a su paso un dolor bajo las costillas y en la frente.
Physically, Echo Spring is nothing more than a nickname for a liquor cabinet, drawn from the brand of bourbon it contains. Symbolically, though, it refers to something quite diferent: perhaps to the attainment of silence, or to the obliteration of troubled thoughts that comes, temporarily at least, with a sufficiency of booze.
He says: “It was in my mind that if you weren´t able to function in action you might at least be able to tell about it, because you felt the same intensity – it was a backdoor way out of facing reality.”
“He” es Francis Scott Fitzgerald.
Hunger was constitutional with him,
wine, cigarettes, liquor, need need need
until he went to pieces.
The pieces sat up & wrote.
Perhaps he also thought of Robert Jordan, who once said to himself of the things he had done: “But my guess is you will get rid of all that by writing about it… Once you write it down it is all gone.”
Robert Jordan es el protagonista de Por quien doblan las campanas. Está hablando de Hemingway.
that one night, instead of warm pajamas,
I´d take off all my clothes
& cross the damp cold lawn & down the bluff
into the terrible water & walk forever
under it out toward the island.
Pt. admits that he is an alcoholic… Indication of depression, anxiety, immaturity, lack of insight, high aesthetic interests, feelings of alienation, & dependency… Admitted he is full of fear.
Un terapeuta sobre Berryman.
At some point, you have to set down the past. At some point, you have to accept that everyone was doing their best. At some point, you have to gather yourself up, and go onward into your life.
I mean we all carry something inside us that can be rejected; that can look silver in the light. You can deny it, or try and throw it in the garbage, by all means. You can despise it so much you drink yourself halway to death. At the end of the day, though, the only thing to do is to take a hold of yourself, to gather up the broken parts. That´s when recovery begins. That´s when the second life – the good one – starts.
Hasta el final, el deseo de confrontarse y entender más. Hasta el final, la duda.
La diferencia entre pasado y futuro sólo existe cuando hay calor. El fenómeno fundamental que distingue el futuro del pasado es el hecho de que el calor va de los objetos más calientes a los más fríos.