Archivo de la categoría: Ensayo

Daring Greatly de Brené Brown

I.

I´m talking about the betrayal of disengagement. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship. The word betrayal evokes experiences of cheating, lying, breaking a confidence, failing to defend us to someone else who´s gossiping about us, and not choosing us over other people. These behaviors are certainly betrayals, but they´re not the only form of betrayal. If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently form my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagement.
When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and stop fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears -the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable.

II.

Shame is real pain. The importance of social acceptance and connection is reinforced by our brain chemistry, and the pain that results from social rejection and disconnection is real pain. (…) Neuroscience advances confirm what we´ve known all along: Emotions can hurt and cause pain. And just as we often struggle to define physical pain, describing emotional pain is difficult. Shame is particularly hard because it hates having words wrapped around it. It hates being spoken.

III.

Here´s the painful pattern that emerged from my research with men: We ask them to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they´re afraid, but the truth is that most women can´t stomach it. In those moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust. And men are very smart.

IV.

Sometimes we´re not even aware that we´re oversharing as armor. We can purge our vulnerability or our shame stories out of total desperation to be heard. We blurt out something that is causing us immense pain because we can´t bear the thought of holding it in for one more second. Our intentions may not be purging or blurting to armor ourselves or push others away, but that´s the exact outcome of our behaviors. Whether we´re on the purging end or the receiving end of this experience, self-compassion is critical. We have to give ourselves a break when we share too much too soon, and we have to practice self-kindness when we feel like we weren´t able to hold space for someone who hit us with the floodlight. Judgment exacerbates disconnection.
 

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Shrill de Lindy West

I.

Women matter. Women are half of us. When you raise every woman to believe that we are insignificant, that we are broken, that we are sick, that the only cure is starvation and restraint and smallness; when you pit women against one another, keep us shackled by shame and hunger, obsessing over our flaws rather than our power and potential; when you leverage all of that to sap our money and our time – that moves the rudder of the world. It steers humanity toward conservatism and walls and the narrow interests of men, and it keeps us adrift in waters where women´s safety and humanity are secondary to men´s pleasure and convenience.

II.

This is the only advice I can offer. Each time something like this happens, take a breath and ask yourself, honestly: Am I dead? Did I die? Is the world different? Has my soul splintered into a thousand shards and scattered to the winds? I think you´ll find, in nearly every case, that you are fine. Life rolls on. No one cares. Very few things – apart from death and crime – have real, irreversible stakes, and when something with real stakes happens, humiliation is the least of your worries.

Figuraciones mías de Fernando Savater

I.

Tal es, precisamente, la función de los clásicos en literatura. ¿Les admiramos porque sabemos que es de buen tono cultural? Yo creo que lo más admirable en ellos es que hayan sabido ganarse la admiración de tantos a los largo de siglos. Porque lo importante -la savia de cualquier arte que quiere producir algo más que simple agrado- es la duradera admiración humana: cuenta más nuestra capacidad de admirar que los criterios con que se discierne (y a veces pretende codificarse) lo admirable.

II.

Pero también que las personas normales no aspiran al Reino de los Cielos ni a la perfección semejante a él sobre la tierra, sino a mejorar su condición de forma gradual y eficiente. Existe en la mayoría de las personas (…) una decencia común y corriente que consiste, según la glosa de Bruce Bégout, “en la facultad instintiva de percibir el bien y el mal, frente a cualquier forma de deducción trascendental a partir de un principio”. Es lo que hace que, más allá de izquierdas y derechas, existan buenas personas en los dos campos o a caballo entre ambos. En cuanto prevalecen, el mundo mejora. Por cierto, siguiendo esta vena de benevolencia utopista, Orwell descubrió cuando estuvo en Cataluña durante la guerra civil que los españoles tenemos una dosis de decencia innata, tonificada por un anarquismo omnipresente, más alta de lo normal y gracias a la cual nos salvaremos de los peores males…

Braving the Wilderness de Brené Brown

I.

True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn´t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.

II.

Acting culture can be brutal. The notes can simply say, “Not attractive enough. Too old. Too dark-skinned. Not skinny enough.” They tell you to develop a thick skin so things don´t get to you. What they don´t tell you is that your thick skin will keep everything from getting out, too. Love, intimacy, vulnerability.

I don´t want that. Thick skin doesn´t work anymore. I want to be transparent and translucent. For that to work, I won´t own other people´s shortcomings and criticisms. I won´t put what you about me on my load.

Viola Davis

III.

Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don`t belong. You will always find it because you´ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people´s faces for evidence that you´re not enough. You will always find it because you´ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don´t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.

The Fire Next Time de James Baldwin

I.

To act is to be committed, and to be committed is to be in danger.

II.

To defend oneself against a fear is simply to insure that one will, one day, be conquered by it; fears must be faced. As for one´s wits, it is just not true that one can live by them- not, that is, if one wishes really to live.

III.

To be sensual I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread.

IV.

One can give nothing whatever without giving oneself- that is to say, risking oneself. If one cannot risk oneself, the one is simply incapable of giving. And, after all, one can give freedom only by setting someone free.

V.

Perhaps the whole root of our trouble, the human trouble, is that we will sacrifice all the beauty of our lives, will imprison ourselves in totems, taboos, crosses, blood sacrifices, steeples, mosques, races, armies, flags, nations, in order to deny the fact of death, which is the only fact we have.

Between the World and Me de Ta-Nehisi Coates

I.

I grew up in a house drawn between love and fear. There was no room for softness. But this girl with the long dreads revealed something else- that love could be soft and understanding; that, soft or hard, love was an act of heroism.

II.

So you must wake up every morning knowing that no promise is unbreakable, least of all the promise of waking up at all. This is not despair. There are the preferences of the universe itself: verbs over nouns, actions over states, struggle over hope.

III.

“You exist. You matter. You have value. You have every right to wear your hoodie, to play your music as loud as you want. You have every right to be you. And no one should deter you from being you. You have to be you. And you can never be afraid to be you.”

Hillbilly, una elegía rural de J.D. Vance

Pero hay algo poderoso en darse cuenta de que has estado vendiéndote por debajo de lo que vales, de que por alguna razón tu cerebro confundía la falta de esfuerzo con la incapacidad. Ésta es la razón por la que, cuando la gente me pregunta qué es lo que más me gustaría cambiar en la clase trabajadora blanca, digo: “La sensación de que nuestras decisiones no tienen importancia”.